Being kept apart from your child is one of the most difficult things that a parent may face. The worry, anger and sense of helplessness you are feeling are completely understandable. We want you to know that there are clear steps that can be taken and nothing needs to be rushed.
We are going to explain how child arrangements work in England and Wales and when a child arrangements order may be needed. For more information, take a look at our podcast; we discuss this in more detail.
Is It Legal for My Ex to Stop Me Seeing My Child?
This depends on whether a court order is already in place. This is the first thing that you should check.
If there is no order, the law does not set a fixed schedule for either parent. This means that the parents are expected to agree on arrangements between themselves. In practice, this would mean that the parent that your child lives with would control day-to-day child contact until a court decides otherwise. While that may feel massively unfair, it is not the end of the road.
If there is an order in place, this changes things. A child arrangements order is legally binding, and ignoring it without good reason will be considered a breach. Courts generally start with the view that a child will benefit from time with both parents. However, there is an exception if that time would put the child at risk. The court will seek to understand the true reason that contact stopped, and if it’s because of anger or a dispute over money, this is rarely a good one.
Does Child Custody UK Law Still Exist, Or Is It Called Child Arrangements Now?
The term child custody no longer appears in the law of England and Wales. Courts now use the term child arrangements or child contact instead. These cover where your child lives and when they spend time with each parent.
You may still hear “custody” and “contact in everyday life, and official guidance recognises both. Child contact just means the time that a child spends with the parent they do not live with. Courts will often use the phrase “spending time with”.
Whatever words you use, the courts stay focused on the same goal, looking at what is best for your child.
What Is a Child Arrangements Order and Can It Help Me See My Child?
A child arrangements order is an agreement or decision recognised by the family court under the Children Act 1989. It sets out who your child lives with and when they spend time with each parent. Parents may agree on these arrangements themselves, including during court proceedings, without the court needing to determine the details. The arrangements may also cover handovers, holidays and calls or video chats.
When making an order, the main thing that the judge will consider above everything else is your child’s welfare. This includes your child’s wishes and feelings, their needs and any risk of harm. Neither parent is treated as the winner. A child arrangements order aims to build a workable plan for your child.
An order usually remains in place until your child turns 16. However, where a child has special needs, it can remain in place until they turn 18. Take a look at our child arrangements page to understand this in more detail.
What Should I Do When My Ex Won’t Let Me See My Child?
Try to remain steady, even when emotions are running high. The actions you take now will shape how the court sees you later. There are four steps that we recommend taking. These are:
- Keep messages short and polite – your focus should be on your child, not blame.
- Write down every missed or cancelled visit – Include dates, times and any reasons that they have given.
- Suggest a written parenting plan – by putting proposals on paper, you are sometimes able to calm disagreements.
- Consider a child contact centre – a neutral venue can make handovers easier. The National Association of Child Contact Centres lists centres across the country.
Maintaining a clear record is important. It shows a court what has happened and how you responded. Our article on what happens if your ex ignores a court order explains why records are so valuable.
Do I Have to Try Mediation Before Applying for a Child Arrangements Order?
Usually, yes. Before applying, you will often need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, usually referred to as a MIAM. A mediator will explain how mediation works and whether it is suited to your situation.
However, some people are exempt from this. Examples of people exempt include cases involving domestic abuse or genuine urgency.
Mediation is often quicker and less stressful than court. It also keeps decisions in your hands. Take a look at our family mediation page to understand more about how McKenzie Picave can help you arrange it.
Could My Ex Have a Reason for Stopping Contact?
Sometimes there is a reason, and this is something that you should ensure you think through fully. Your ex may be worried about safeguarding, or your child may be anxious about visits. Courts will take these concerns seriously and test them with evidence.
An allegation is not a proven fact. But equally, your concerns deserve to be heard. If abuse is part of your story, there is domestic abuse support available. Refuge runs a 24-hour helpline on 0808 2000 247. Men’s Advice Line offers support to male victims on 0808 801 0327.
Whatever the reason, your child’s safety comes first. A calm, evidence-led approach will serve you much better than confrontation.
How Do I Apply for a Child Arrangements Order?
There are four stages to applying for a child arrangements order:
- Attend a MIAM unless you are exempt.
- Complete the C100 application and send it to the family court.
- Cafcass carries out safeguarding checks before your first hearing.
- Attend hearings until the judge makes a final decision.
There is a court fee that comes along with this, although help may be available on a low income. Fees change, so we recommend you check the current amount on GOV.UK. Some parents are also asked to attend a parenting course.
Cafcass is the court’s own advisory service. It may speak to both parents and, depending on age, to your child. Our Cafcass guide explains what to expect. You can also read the Cafcass information for parents.
How Long Does It Take to Get a Child Arrangements Order?
Patience is very much necessary when it comes to child arrangements orders. The Ministry of Justice figures show that private child cases finishing in January to March 2026 took around 35 weeks on average. Just over half finished within 26 weeks.
The demand for this remains high. New private children cases rose by 16% in that quarter, and by the end of March 2026, almost 41,000 cases were still open.
If your child is in danger, the court can hear your case more urgently. Wait times should never stop you from asking for help early.
Do I Need a Lawyer to Apply for Child Arrangements?
No. You’re able to apply and attend hearings yourself as a litigant in person. In early 2026, 49% of private children cases were recorded as having neither parent legally represented.
Representing yourself can feel daunting as the court process is built for professionals. That is exactly where McKenzie Picave can support you.
We have more than 20 years of experience and have supported more than 3,000 family law cases. Our team is here to help you organise evidence, prepare your documents and explain everything to you in a way that makes sense. We will sit beside you in hearings, always offering the necessary support.
What Can I Do if My Ex Ignores a Child Arrangements Order?
Every child arrangements order includes a warning that both parties must comply with its terms. In some circumstances, the court may also attach a penal notice to the order. This means that failing to comply could result in a fine, seizure of assets, unpaid community work or imprisonment.
If your ex has broken the order without a proper reason, you may be able to apply to enforce it. The court must be satisfied beyond reasonable doubt that the breach has taken place. Depending on the circumstances, it may make an enforcement order or vary the existing arrangements to make them more workable.
The court may also order compensation for any financial loss caused by the breach. It will carefully consider the reasons for non-compliance before deciding what action to take.
Please never take your child by force or turn up uninvited. Returning to court is a safer route and helps protect your child from further conflict. Our article on ignoring a court order explains what to expect.
What if My Ex Is Turning My Child Against Me?
We understand that watching your child pull away without explanation is incredibly painful. Family courts in England and Wales refer to this as “alienating behaviour”. Judges need clear evidence of a pattern, not just a feeling that something is wrong.
We recommend keeping factual notes and avoiding coaching your child about what to say. Take a look at our parental alienation page to understand how courts approach this.
Which Other Court Orders Might Help?
A child arrangements order is not the only option. Depending on your situation, these may also be relevant:
- A prohibited steps order can prevent your ex from taking a specific action, such as moving your child abroad.
- A specific issue order asks the court to resolve a particular disagreement, such as which school your child should attend.
- Parental responsibility gives you a legal say in major decisions about your child. A father who is not named on the birth certificate does not automatically have it but can apply to the court for parental responsibility.
- Grandparents’ rights may be relevant if wider family contact has stopped. Grandparents do not have an automatic legal right to see their grandchildren, although the court recognises the valuable role they can play.
Here at McKenzie Picave, we work with clients across all these areas, helping them build strong cases to support their position.
What Should I Avoid While I Am Kept From My Child?
Some choices can harm your position and, more importantly, your child. Four we recommended avoiding:
- Withholding child maintenance. Maintenance and contact are separate issues.
- Confronting your ex in front of your child. Conflict causes real distress.
- Using your child as a messenger. Keep adult conversations between adults.
- Criticising your ex to your child. Children need to feel safe loving both parents.
What Is the Best Next Step if Your Ex Won’t Let You See Your Child?
If your ex currently won’t let you see your child, we recommend starting by gathering your records and exploring the option of mediation. If that is unsuccessful, a child arrangements order lets the court set a clear plan for your child.
Please look after yourself while you wait. Lean on people you trust, and keep routines as steady as you can. Your child needs you to be well.
You do not have to work out the next step alone. Book a free, no-obligation consultation with McKenzie Picave to talk through your child arrangement options.
